I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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