So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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