I got chris browned last night
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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