i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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