There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
