Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
