I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize