i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
