my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
