Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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