i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
