If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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