True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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