and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
