sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
