im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
