You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Are we still banned from the library?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
