hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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