I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
