So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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