Little spoons don't ask big questions
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
