I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
