obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
