Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
