Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
