I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize