I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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