who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
