It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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