Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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