is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
