i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
