Im at strip club and am horny
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i drank out of a bidet.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
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