i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
