I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
