dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
