he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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