She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
