the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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