Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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