Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
