Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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