miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
