If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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