and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
