I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
