You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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