Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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