just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
