i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
