And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
