I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
