god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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