Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
