what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
