White coat. Heels.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
