I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
