ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
