omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I had to cum in my sink.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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