32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
