It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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