I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
