Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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