Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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