I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
