That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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