we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
