I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
