Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
