When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
