i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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