So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
