Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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