Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
