Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
