We got so high we made milksteak
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
