This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
