Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
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