I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
