so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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