one might say we're banned from that church
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
