Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
