i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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