yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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