Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
