I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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