I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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