I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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