i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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