I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
