Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
