Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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