Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
