I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
