Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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