don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
